Strictly Anything » suicide

Strictly ruokday

Kathy Rees — Wed, 14 Sep 2011 22:26:44 +0000

“”My fellow twitter pals, are you OK? #ruOKday ”

This was the tweet that tipped the balance as to whether I write this post or not. So here it is – in all its frustrated fury.

RUOKDAY is a dangerous, pathetic attempt by the government to address depression and suicide. As I tweeted several times already today – what will you do if your friends are not OK?

Where will you send them? There is a + 6 months wait for hospital to see anyone regarding a depressive or mental illness – unless you present in a truly psychotic state, which may take 3 visits from different specialists to confirm this for you to get a bed, if there is one available.

Are you equipped to deal with someone else’s meltdown? How will you cope with their depression and can you diagnose it? Even if you can where will you send them? To their GP – they may have to wait a few days and then if they get a referral to a psychiatrist, privately you will have to wait anywhere up to 3-6 months for initial consultation and have around $300.o0 to spare.

Don’t believe me? Recently I had to get an appointment for my daughter and the psychiatrist would not see her unless I paid the full amount up front. They would not accept the difference between the Medicare rebate and their fee – the ombudsman and Society for Psychiatrists did not care – it’s free trade. So needless to say, my daughter was not seen. We waited another six months to see someone who would bulk bill us – but they are still in private practice – we still have her name down for public – it’s been over two years.

So before you ask someone if they are OK, make sure you are prepared for the answer. Don’t scurry to your ‘well’ friends and say in whispering voices that you think so and so has depression and distance yourselves tomorrow, as if you have come across the most contagious disease known to man. This is how people actually react. Their intentions may be honorable, but their flesh is scared to death.

What will you say to them when they tell you, with all the courage they can muster, that life is just too hard and they want to give up, they can’t do it, it hurts just too much – offer them a cup of tea or beer and tell them ‘she’ll be right.”?

This whole campaign is nothing short of a slap in the face to all those suffering depression and trying desperately to get help, and is another move by the government to put the onus on the citizen to deal with health issues that are a state concern and facilities and services should be provided.

Even if I continue to write the posts I feel I need to, to demonstrate further points about the inadequacies of the mental health services in this country, I know that attention will be moved tomorrow and #ruokday will be another memory, another do gooder day where people asked the question and thought they had done their bit.

So one last point – don’t further slap people in the face, especially via twitter – to strangers and online ‘friends’ who you don’t actually know or care about, and ask them if they are OK unless you really, really mean it, and are prepared to hold their hand through the mental health system if they need it. Anything else is just superfluous show ponying.

Carry on

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Strictly Suicide Media

Kathy Rees — Wed, 31 Aug 2011 20:08:05 +0000

Yesterday two things happened. I saw this interview and found these – the media guidelines for suicide reporting.

The main argument against reporting suicides is that it’s contagious – a spate of suicides follow – especially celebrity ones. I’ve spoken about this before. Having read the media guidelines though, I have another perspective.

It’s not only how the media don’t ‘report’ about it, it’s also how the coroner doesn’t record it. Death by misadventure is usually a polite way of saying they jumped off a cliff.

I’m not in favour of a blow by blow description – though the public blood lust demands it – (I’m still amazed how many people ask me how my husband did it and are surprised when I tell them – you’ll sleep better if you don’t know) there is a morbid curiosity or is it something more sinister – something to file away for later in case they need it?

Having read the guidelines and finding the section where they talk about vulnerable sectors of the community being influenced, I stopped and thought about it carefully – that actually precludes the whole world – because there is always a weak moment in all of us at one time or another where we can be influenced either up or down.

So do I have an answer – yes and no. Reporting of statistics, or the lack of them, issues surrounding what leads to suicide all need to be talked about and without the fear that these ideas and discussions will put ideas into other people’s heads. We’ve built the buildings for people to jump off – now we have to teach them how to live with them.

Carry on.

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Strictly the Raw Prawn

Kathy Rees — Tue, 27 Apr 2010 01:46:00 +0000

photo credit: Grantsviews

When we had kids, we came to an arrangement. I would do all the poo and vomit and he would do the teeth and nails, because I’m totally squeamish about teeth and nails. I know, I don’t understand it either, but there you are.

So now I’m on my own, I get the full joy of pulling out those wobbly bleeding teeth of my now ten year old, who thankfully doesn’t have many of them left, but I’ve dealt with the last five years worth of them. Also the cutting of the toe nails which I can never do right and almost always ends in tears, both of ours. The ten year old for nearly losing his toes, and me for causing him so much pain and anguish and for being the one who has to do it even though we had a deal.

Last night I made myself some prawns. I saw a really quick nice recipe on Everyday Italian and decided to try it. I totally forgot about the preparation that goes into prawns when I bought six green prawns from the fishmonger. When I unwrapped the package I was face to face, literally, with six green bug eyed prawns that I would now have to de-head, de-vein and then cook. OMG another deal breaker I had forgotten all about. Whenever we had prawns together, he would always de-head and de-vein them and I would cook them. No wonder I haven’t made them myself for so long. Funny the things you forget I guess.

Anyway I so didn’t want to eat the bloody prawns after I succesfully de-headed them and cleaned their tracts. I also washed them for good measure, because I don’t know if you’ve ever eaten a bad prawn, but I have, and I choose death over eating another one. So I am super careful and very suspect about every single prawn.

I ate five of the six once I’d grilled them and sauced them with pesto and lemon. They were delicious I guess but they

made me feel sick as I was eating them, remembering the preparation I had to do. If I’m to do it again, I will ask for them already done, but I think it will be a very long time before I do that again.

It got me thinking though how suicide itself is a deal breaker. The worst of all marriage vows to break, aside from the small deals you make with each other, like the nails versus poo. Til death do us part has been chosen by a partner, so miserable in your life that they chose death instead. Pretty severe. I’ve done my therapy and I believe it wasn’t because I was a bad wife, but there is always a hint of doubt I guess. The most predominant emotion is anger, again, that above everything else he had promised to be with me, to help me raise our children, to open jars, fix the television, check out the weird noises at night and kill spiders. All that is left to me now, and it sucks sometimes and I will have trouble ever believing another human being when they tell me, they’ll be here for me.

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Strictly Suicide

Kathy Rees — Thu, 22 Apr 2010 19:36:05 +0000

Suicide is a tragic waste. I think we can all agree on that. What I believe is more tragic is the community response to suicide.

There is a perception in the mainstream media that to talk about suicide will increase it. This has been backed up by small increases in suicides after the suicides of popular celebrities (Coban for example). Suicide is seen as contagious to those who are vulnerable to influence.

How then, as a community can we act to protect, help or heal those vulnerable amongst us? Rather than not talk about the disease that is killing a group of us, how can we talk to move change?

AIDS was not talked about for a long time, until its numbers increased to the point where all humanity was threatened, and then all of a sudden it was all anyone could talk about. Suicide is, unfortunately, taking the same road, but no-one will talk about it.

Suicide accounts for the highest number of deaths among males 17-25 outside of motor vehicle accidents, and was the number two killer, for a while, of men 40-45.

These are only the clear cut cases we know about. Reporting of suicides on death certificates, which then account for the ABS (statistics) figures are grey.

There seems to be a Darwinist stream that runs among us, where those who can survive turn a blind eye to those who aren’t ‘strong enough’ to make it. Until this attitude changes amongst us as humans, suicide will always be ranked in the top 5 killers.

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Strictly Mortality

Kathy Rees — Tue, 20 Apr 2010 00:00:19 +0000

If you’ve lost your partner through death, along with the normal emotions associated with grieving, the issue of mortality becomes more poignant and we realise that something may also happen to us and what will happen to the children if it does? How would they cope? Where would they live?

These questions can keep a single parent awake at night for hours, worrying about what will/could/should happen. It’s natural. As a single parent you take on all the burdens and worries. So let’s look at how to deal with mortality.

Try to live your life consciously and to do what pleases you as much as you can that is practical in your circumstance. Parenting takes the priority, as we know, but try to make that special time just for yourself so you can enjoy your own life along the way.

Make a will. I haven’t met anyone who actually ever wanted to do this but once you have children, and you are the sole guardian, it is imperative that you leave clear instructions as to what is to happen to your children.

Find a guardian, either within the family or not. Discuss the issue with the guardian and make sure they are happy to take on that responsibility, and then draw up a will outlining those instructions.

Let the children know. This is really important to do even though it is probably something you never want to even discuss with them.

Children of single parent families due to death are far more aware of the potential loss of the remaining parent. It is important for them to know that although nothing will probably happen to you, if it ever does, this is who will take care of them. It gives them a sense of security knowing that everything will be alright – just in case.

This is one of the hardest things that parents have to face but as a single parent, you owe it to yourself and your children to take care of this matter. It will help you sleep at night knowing that it is taken care of.

Once the guardianship issue is dealt with, make sure your financial documents are in a safe place and your children or their guardian knows where that is. Again the children will feel better knowing that their lives will still continue on in some form. It’s a purely psychological measure, but it does help.

It will also help you in your level of worry. Once the worst case scenario has been covered and you’ve put measures in place, it’s one less thing to keep you awake at night. Believe me as a single parent, there will be plenty of other things to keep you awake as time goes on.

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