Strictly Santa

On December 25, 2011, in Strictly Editorial, by Kathy Rees
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don't stop believing
Creative Commons License photo credit: ryPix

There comes a time in every child’s life that they realise Santa is not ‘real’.  That the gifts left in the santa sack are actually done so by parents or guardians and not the ‘real santa’.  This is an often heartbreaking discovery and if you take a moment, you will remember the time or situation or state of revelation when you discovered that Santa was a myth.

 

For all of us it is different and for all of our upbringings, there is also a different belief in what Santa is, whether he exists or not, the history or the commercialism that is adopted within our own family folktales of xmas.

 

Before I became a parent I was steadfast in my conviction that we would not believe in Santa in our family – that the heartbreak of discovery would be something my children would be ‘saved’ from.  But when I had children, I too was sucked into the void that is Santa as the osmosis of society permeated my children’s belief system and I had to carry on the myth – knowing that one day they would suffer the pain of discovery.

 

This year, my youngest child told me that he knew that Santa wasn’t real and he knew it was me.  And I, like all parents who have fostered a falsehood continued with the lies involuntarily and said, “well in our house, if you don’t believe he doesn’t come”.  And so the santa sacks were laid out and santa came and will continue to do so until all my kids are 3o, a promise I barely remember making at some time after a drunken xmas lunch when speaking with my eldest children, who continue to marvel and adore their youngest sibling’s naive joy that santa had brought him gifts.

 

So what is my advice on the santa myth?  Whatever works for you I guess.  Of all our plans for parenthood, in practicality, none of it actually works and deep down as parents, no matter what we read or believe to be true, we are flying by the seat of our pants in a rapidly changing world where rules and black and white are all blurred into grey, and trying not to scar our children forever – but we will – whether it is with love or deep dark agendas – all will be revealed.  We have to continue to hope that we are going OK and that everything will end up as it should.

 

Merry xmas, happy holidays, enjoy your family time, and for all the widows out there – we rock and we did it again!

 

Carry on

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Strictly Focusing

On November 28, 2011, in Strictly Editorial, by Kathy Rees
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DSC_5428 Agfa Silette 2.8 Apator Lens 26-11-2011
Creative Commons License photo credit: rodtuk

FOCUS – Follow One Course Until Successful.

 

I keep coming across this acronym and it was frying my brain.  How can I pick one course?  I have lots of things that I want to accomplish.  Work and my Masters, Family and successful children, Blogging not sure what the goal there is, and of course Writing – two books screaming for attention.  So which course?  All are equally important to me.

 

So I decided to follow one course within each category and hope for the best.  So for me that means, made the decision on what subjects/masters I will complete – no more second guessing myself JFDI (just frickin do it).  Family – against all odds, this seems to be on track aside from my eldest having a meltdown because she doesn’t know what to do with her life – more on that in another post next week. Blogging – well here I am and have decided to concentrate on this and one other only for now and see how that goes. Writing – making time to finish one book really well and then moving onto the next.

 

When I read it back, sounds like a lot. But time is short and there is much to do.

 

Carry on.

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Strictly Choices

On October 10, 2011, in Strictly Emotional, by Kathy Rees
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Headlines.
Creative Commons License photo credit: tienvijftien

We make choices every day. Some of them good and some bad.  Today I made another choice.  I chose to stay home with my son, so stressed out about some homework, that we was crying uncontrollably for half an hour.  It’s not easy to explain to this choice to an employer.

 

I’ve had a bad run lately. Had to take several days off for sickness in kids, myself and some mental health days for my kids.  Grief is a fickle beast, it rears its head unexpectedly when you think it is dormant for the duration.  It’s not an easy choice to make – financial stability against emotional stability – but I made it again today.

 

This choice could have dire consequences for my family.  I might lose my job – but I hope I don’t – not yet anyway.  I don’t have a suitable replacement.  Being away from home for 12 hours a day is not ideal, especially when I’m not appreciated it for what I do.  I know we all have a wah about not being appreciated at work – it is a sign of the times I think.  Just do your job, it is what is expected, everyone has to go the extra mile, you can choose not to do this if you want, but employment security in today’s market demands it I think.

 

I’ll keep looking for work closer to home and if the worst happens, I’ll deal with it.  We will all deal with it as a family.  If I have to scale down I will.  There are lots if things that could be worse.

 

But the worst thing that I can imagine, is watching my child break emotionally, because I wasn’t there to support them.  That is the choice I will always make – I will be there if they need me, and let them deal with things, when they need to.

 

Not an easy choice to make in today’s world.  But I have made it now and as my dad used to say – now you suffer the consequences – whatever they may be.

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Strictly Monday

On September 26, 2011, in Strictly Living, by Kathy Rees
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I read in my twitter stream, groans about Monday.  I replied to some that maybe they needed to start it again.  And that there was always Tuesday.

 

Got me thinking while I was in the shower though (aren’t showers great for thinking and ideas) that Monday is a state of mind.  Yes, it’s the day that many of us return to jobs after a weekend with family, and a taste what life could be like if we didn’t have to work, but we do, (whatever that is for you, don’t get me started on what work is) so let’s move on.

 

Depending where you’re at on the work front, Monday is either joyous or arduous, and it often depends on the workload at hand, and this outlook can fluctuate.  Today for instance, I’m looking forward to getting all the travel (more…)

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Strictly Doing

On September 25, 2011, in Strictly Living, by Kathy Rees
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Rusty hammer macro
Creative Commons License photo credit: MinimalistPhotography101.com

Lately I’ve been reading Chris Brogan again.  I tend to stay on blogs for a week or two, move on to something else, then sometimes return.  The ones I return to are the ones I find most beneficial and worth reading, so I’ve been floating in and out of Chris Brogan’s stuff for a few years, depending on his content.

His most recent posts focus on the ‘doing’ of things, what stops us, and what we need to do to overcome it.  The crux of it all “DO THE WORK”. Of course this is where a lot of us fall over, we want it to be easier than us actually having to do anything – it is 2011 afterall, life is supposed to be much, much easier.  But it isn’t.  My favourite buddist/esoteric/spiritual quote is “what do you do before enlightenment, you carry water and prepare meals, what do you do after enlightenment, you carry water and prepare meals” or something to that effect – you get my drift.  Just knowing something doesn’t really make much difference unless you apply it.

 

So every time my inner voice is screaming at me to get off the treadmill at gym because it’s too hard, I answer back, “I am doing the work – suck it up” and I do. Writing this post is me ‘doing the work’.  My son spends at least four hours a day practicing his juggling – I know he’s only 11 – but he’s doing the work.  He wants something and he’s doing the work to get it.  Yeah I’m pretty proud momma.

 

Anyway, I still can’t bring myself to finish my two novels, that are left unfinished.  One was actually totally trashed, and deleted after a terrible session on twitter and blog comments which caused me to question whether I was up to facing all the criticism of a mean public, and at the time I wasn’t, (words can mortally wound the fragile heart – Me if you ever want to quote it),  so hitting delete was pretty easy.  But it’s still in my head.  The other is a fiction, much more fun, but still sitting, stewing around.  I let myself get distracted a lot, with things that I do care about, and others that I choose to care about, because I can contribute something.  But really on strong self reflection, it’s just one more of those excuses that Chris Brogan talks about.

 

So the aims for this month are to write a fantastic last assessment piece for my masters and get a high distinction so that I can change to an MPhil and then articulate to my PhD, and once the assessment piece is out of the way, write the shit out of both novels so I can lodge them early next year, March at the latest.  And to achieve this, I have to do the work, and to do that, I might have to let the daily blog posts go, and instead make quality weekly ones, but I’ll see how I go.  Blog posts actually get my brain thinking, and my fingers writing which are both great things for me.

 

So do yourselves the old favour, and check out Chris’ blog and think about what it is you’re not doing and why you’re not doing it.

 

Carry on.

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Strictly Controversial

On September 23, 2011, in Strictly Editorial, by Kathy Rees
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Liam
Creative Commons License photo credit: eyeliam

I nearly didn’t write this post as the lovely Carolyn Hastie @thinkbirth wrote her piece here King Hit on the Funny Bone.  You can catch up on the #hcsmgate tag on twitter to understand what we’re talking about – a group of med students spoke quite inappropriately about patients on twitter.  Carolyn’s article  just about covered all my feelings on the matter except for this.

 

Working in health is bloody hard work.  It can wreck you emotionally, physically and mentally.  It takes a certain mindset to be able to ‘package’ the endless stream of humanity that you face, looking to you for answers and cures for problems that often the patient has caused themselves by their behaviour.

 

So I understand the defence mechanism of black humour used to help, especially younger medical students, cope with what they are seeing, for sometimes the first time.  The difficulty of the human race, the inadequacy of our health systems in the ‘western’ and ‘perfect’ world, are far from perfect and black humour is a way to cope.

 

What is offensive to me and quite unacceptable is the use of this language in the public space.  Not only have they exposed themselves as less than feeling doctors, they have brought disrepute upon the profession.  They have given the public a reason to increase their lack of faith in the medical system.  They have demoralised the human beings occupying those wards, human beings exposed and vulnerable.

 

So I leave this debate asking this question – What if it was your loved one, spouse, mother, sister, daughter, that were being spoken about, in a public space, in this context?  All doctors need to remember from time to time, to place themselves directly in the patient’s shoes, and understand, as a human being, what we all need – a little dignity and respect in our time of need – not to be referred to as a cabbage patch or labia room occupant.

 

 

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Strictly Taboos

On September 17, 2011, in Strictly Living, by Kathy Rees
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My 11 year old is currently learning to juggle.  This is a follow up from his obsession with card tricks, which is excellent at btw.  This first came about after he asked me if he could buy a poker chip and card set so he could learn to deal – his dream at that stage was to become a dealer for poker and 21 at a casino.  He has since moved on.

 

I received a lot of criticism from my daughters about this purchase.  ”you’re teaching him how to gamble”, and what is wrong with that? “well gambling is bad” who says? “it just is”.

 

So then I went on to explain my rationale to my daughters.  For me if you tell someone no, they want it all the more.  If you let a child see, touch and play with something and understand what it is, what it does, and how it works, they either grab onto it with all the interest they can muster and dominate it, or they walk away, their fascination satiated.   This has been my approach to pregnancy tests, condoms, the internet, lego, ben 10, sex, drugs, alcohol.  It’s an open forum, nothing is taboo.

 

So my house is the one that other kids tend to go to when they think they’re pregnant, because there’s always a pregnancy test kit here.  Better to know and make decisions I think, not to not know and do something potentially harmful.

 

Am I doing the right thing? I don’t know.  I don’t think any parent really does know until their kids are adults and they can survey all their teachings.  All I know is if I remove the ‘taboo’ from something, it takes its natural course.  Kids are inquisitive and will always find something else to look into.  If you make it ‘naughty’ or ‘nasty’ they want it all the more.  Don’t get me wrong, I still censor my children from what I think is age inappropriate material as much as possible, but if I can’t see the harm, there is no foul.

 

Carry on.

 

P.S. 11 year old is currently practising juggling four hours a day and is determined to master 4 ball juggling.  He’s been working on it for two weeks.  To me this is focus, goal setting, motivation and action.  If he tires of those qualities, then I’ll worry.

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Strictly ruokday

On September 15, 2011, in Strictly Emotional, Strictly Suicide, by Kathy Rees
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“”My fellow twitter pals, are you OK? #ruOKday ”
This was the tweet that tipped the balance as to whether I write this post or not. So here it is – in all its frustrated fury.
RUOKDAY is a dangerous, pathetic attempt by the government to address depression and suicide.  As I tweeted several times already today – what will you do if your friends are not OK?
Where will you send them?  There is a + 6 months wait for hospital to see anyone regarding a depressive or mental illness – unless you present in a truly psychotic state, which may take 3 visits from different specialists to confirm this for you to get a bed, if there is one available.
Are you equipped to deal with someone else’s meltdown?  How will you cope with their depression and can you diagnose it?  Even if you can where will you send them?  To their GP – they may have to wait a few days and then if they get a referral to a psychiatrist, privately you will have to wait anywhere up to 3-6 months for initial consultation and have around $300.o0 to spare.
Don’t believe me?  Recently I had to get an appointment for my daughter and the psychiatrist would not see her unless I paid the full amount up front.  They would not accept the difference between the Medicare rebate and their fee – the ombudsman and Society for Psychiatrists did not care – it’s free trade.  So needless to say, my daughter was not seen.  We waited another six months to see someone who would bulk bill us – but they are still in private practice – we still have her name down for public – it’s been over two years.
So before you ask someone if they are OK, make sure you are prepared for the answer.  Don’t scurry to your ‘well’ friends and say in whispering voices that you think so and so has (more…)
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Strictly Intuition

On September 15, 2011, in Strictly Emotional, Strictly Finance, by Kathy Rees
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Yesterday I finished reading a great book on intuition and began my meditation exercises again in earnest.  I used to meditate quite a great deal, but life seems to get in the way and I’m much busier stressing out than stressing down.

 

My dilemma is of course the balance between work and home.  I basically don’t want to have to go to work, but I need to earn a living. I’ve worked at home previously and there are still a few opportunities to do so, but I go a bit batshit with it so people are good for me – that much I know – at least in smallish doses.  Regular paychecks and benefits also have their place in my life to keep stress levels at a minimum.  My children are more important though – this much is crystal clear.

 

Financially it’s not really working out either.  Yesterday, the day before payday, both my accounts declined when I tried to get my daughter’s medication and I scraped up the change from my bag to cover it, while everyone in the line looked on in frustration.  Yes it’s embarrassing, but hell it’s not like I don’t work or anything.

 

Anyway my intuitive answer this morning was this “the answer is at work’.  Mmm this will be interesting.  Either they’ll be an email in my inbox which sends me over the edge and I walk out hoping for the best, or I’m supposed to just stay there and suck it all up.  All I know is at this point in my life, the routine I have is slowly killing me and I can’t see the way out for now except to accept the circumstances I am given and do what I have to do.

 

Carry on.

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Strictly Emotional Blogging

On September 14, 2011, in Strictly Internet, by Kathy Rees
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A Case of The Rainy Day Blahs
Creative Commons License photo credit: Pink Sherbet Photography

My blog posts are not for everyone – and that’s OK with me.  I wish I didn’t know so much about what I know about – or need to talk about it – or be asked to talk about it – but this is what I know and sometimes what I share.

 

But where does emotion lie in the blogosphere?  I’m watching with great interest Chris Brogan’s posts regarding social media and twitter.  As a little experiment of my own, I left a link in the comments about an old post I had written along very similar lines – did anyone click on it and read it – NOPE – why – because it’s more important for some people to be seen commenting on a well known blog than engaging in what other people are actually saying.

 

Is there a place for emotion in blogging?  Absolutely.  Will people read it – probably not. And it’s not actually their fault.

 

Internet marketing which I use as a glib term about dominating the internet and being the ‘leader’ in social media is about making back links and dominating google.  it’s taught in every decent internet marketing SEO course around.  It’s how you get ‘authority’ and so people leave their comments with back links all over the place – not that humans actually click on them, (more…)

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