Children need discipline and a routine helps as well. But when you’re on your own, this can be hard to manage. It usually helps when there is someone there to back you up, to support your decisions, or to be the second voice against the arguments and debate that come from the children against their punishments.
Being alone in this can be a double edged sword. At times it can be liberating because your word is law, what you say goes. Usually the kids learn this and understand that whatever your decision is, it’s final. Sometimes we don’t always agree with our spouse over matters of discipline or how to handle a situation and this can lead to arguments with each other, not to mention the arguments with the children.
So sometimes being alone in this is easier. You miss out on a whole discussion on how to handle a matter. You simply decide and then enforce.
But there are times when you just don’t know what to do, when you need to discuss scenarios with your partner or wonder what they would have wanted. Or the child in question is particularly rebellious and you just can’t handle it on your own.
This is when being a single parent is extremely difficult and you need to put some steps in place to help you get through this.
Try to touch base with other parents in the same situation. There are many single parent groups around now that can offer support and where friendships can be forged.
However not all of us have the time to devote to these groups or even want to. That’s OK there are other avenues to investigate. Lean on your friends, your children’s relatives, aunties and uncles, to help reinforce what you’re saying or back you up in the discipline department.
Your children’s friends are actually a great resource to use for backup. Especially with the teenagers if they are trying to stretch the boundaries a little. Check with their parents to see what they think about the situation, whether they are allowing their teenagers to attend an event or whatever the circumstances are. You can use this in an argument for or against what you want.
Get yourself a counsellor that you can talk these issues over with openly without fear of what they are going to think of you.
Go online to parent forums. It doesn’t have to be just for single parents either. Just because you’re a single parent, it doesn’t exclude you from dual parenting advice. Listen to what everyone is saying and how they handle situations and then take on what works for you and what you feel comfortable in being able to apply to your situation.
Children’s discipline is a hard issue for all parents no matter whether they are single or dual parenting. The one thing all parents need to get right is for their children to understand their boundaries. Once you set those boundaries in concrete, it won’t matter whether you are a single parent or whether that circumstance changes, your children will know exactly what they can and can’t get away with.
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